When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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