My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
