does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
