Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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