I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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