i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
