3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
