I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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