Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
