It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
