Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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