So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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