Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Randomize
