She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
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my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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