we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
