when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
