Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
