the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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