remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
