apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
