All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
