I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
