i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
