Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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