i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
4 words: hood of his car
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
