He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
