some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
