Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
