did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
