I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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