ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
