Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
