i just had sex bonerless
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
