You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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