FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
