either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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