sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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