If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
COCAINE IS GR8
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
