i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
