Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
