they need to just BURY HIM!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
