She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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