i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
