My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
