I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
