Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
