How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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