Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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