If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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