bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
