There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
