They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
