you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
