saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
