my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So vagazzling was a success
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
