I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
