Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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