I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
