he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I can't put those talents on a resume
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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