we have officially lost it.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
There are leaves in my underwear?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
