theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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