I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
