im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Randomize
