Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
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Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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