A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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