Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
