your room smells of hookers.
And success
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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