and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
