Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
