we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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