Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
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I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
FUCK WHALES
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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