i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
