Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
