my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
