i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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