I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
