Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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