apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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