then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
